Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Painful Lesson

Every morning as I wake up, I always ask myself did I make something good for my children, a mark so they can remember me when I am gone and out of this world. From the time that I gave up my career (meron ba hehehe) every day I became more afraid on how to treat my children properly without hurting their feelings, without hitting their self-esteem (I am not used to it, but I'm trying). How to make them more responsible, loving and mature individual, now that I am with them twenty-four by seven it is more stressful than ever before.

How to teach them not to be too selfish and self-centered and just think nothing  but only of themselves.  Someone who will not see the imperfection of another person and blame others for the mistakes they've done and planning to do in the future.  I want them to be someone who must know how to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others (Painful Lesson indeed). They say that life is a boomerang, what comes around goes around and you will be treated the way you treated others and I believed the same with our children. But sometimes I kept asking myself how come mom and dad treat me very well but here I am, I cannot even hug them to show how much I miss and love them because I am too far from them. I cannot do anything about it, but I know mom understands me because she was once a mother just like me. Willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of her children.

I know I didn't have the best parents in the world but I believed there is one thing that I cannot deny that I am indebted to them, life itself  for without them I would not have existed and I know the feeling of giving up your life for the sake of your children now that I am a mother in my own rights.  Soon my children will  realize that  I am not  a perfect mother to them especially when they start to do their own life.  I just hope by that time, they are already mature to love me despite my imperfections because I believed we all make mistakes, no one was born perfect. That they are going to look at all the good things I and my husband have done for them instead of blaming us on how's life treat them. I know it takes a lot of time to become wiser but how come there are still a lot of people who doesn't mature as they grow old. I consider myself as one of them now that I am a mother of three, sometimes I feel guilty of all the immaturity.

The way I reacted sometimes makes me feel like a fool in front of my children but what is important is that as a parent I know when and how to say sorry when I did something wrong. And as a daughter I know how to show love to my parents especially when they needed it most of the times, now that they are old and all their children have a family of their own to take care of, a phone call will do, a simple letter with picture of their grandchildren makes them so happy. I know I argue with them most of the times but it's a fact that as we grow old we became the same wavelength as individual so there are many unavoidable differences and arguments, but that doesn't mean I don't love them and I forgot all the good things they've done to me. This is my opinion, it is better to argue and show that you care than to say nothing and as if you don't care. I just hope I can instill the value of forgiving, faith, the attitude of looking at the brighter side instead of blaming others because of what happened to our life to my children. For I believed in the saying that "LIFE is a CHOICE" it's all up to you how you handle it, live with it or else leave everything behind.

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