Sunday, August 28, 2016

Ate's Essay

(Part of Ate's Literature book is to write an essay about any topic she wants to write and this is what she wrote that moves me)

Excerpt in Ate's essay:

I know now that God knows me. He has helped me and my family through countless of troubles. God help me and love me. I regret when I was young, I thought God didn't want me, and I lost my confidence and faith. Until when he send me to my loving teacher. He used my teacher to tell me that God loves me no matter what. I just need to pray and ask for forgiveness. My teacher taught me a lot of things I needed to know, and I was thankful to my teacher and to God. Although I don't know what my future lies ahead, but I know for sure that in the future I will still love God and put him first in any circumstances. --Ate Danna.

Recently I am trying to find God in my quiet moment. Since Ate and Ethan are leaving soon. They will be going back to Philippines to continue their studies there. Studies here in Malaysia is quiet expensive. Tuition fees are not worthy considering that we have different culture so a lot of adjustment need to be done just to fit in. I am a bit sad because we will definitely miss them. They've been with us for two years and we already created wonderful memories together.

Ethan came first, when he came I am trying to question my worth as an individual or let me say my worth as a teacher eventhough I graduated with a degree in education I didn't practice teaching during my professional days, I practice librarianship instead, it's a lot more easier than teaching as I may say hehe. When ethan came, I believe I still need a lot of things to prove to myself before I can consider myself as a teacher. Even God was trying to tell me you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. ( Isaiah 43:4). But still my self worth was so low maybe because a lot of unexpected things happened before they came. Some unhappy experiences that sometimes I question God how he love me beyond measure, I didn't question my faith and God's loyalty to me because with all the things I've been thru and with all the failure I had, God's grace never fail to amaze me. But I didn't realize that God was trying to test my loyalty and faithfulness to him before He will show me my worthiness or maybe the other way around, He is already loyal and faithful to my worth it's just that the problem is me and He gave me sign just to prove that I am wrong and He is right and this is not the first time. God always shows to me so many times already, matigas lang ulo ko at bumabalik balik ako sa dati (same old kind of people and circumstances).

However the reason why I didn't pursue teaching even though I had finish my degree is because for me, diploma, credentials, seminars, CPE units are not enough to practice the profession. I am scared of what kind of influence I can make to every child or students that I will handle.  Though from the moment I homeschool my children, I started to gain confidence but not with other children, not untill God sent Ethan and Ate Danna.

Ate came the following year, when I am about to give up Ethan, since most of my plan didn't happen. Seriously I pray hard to God to please show me the right people and circumstances. God is always true to his promises something happened and everything change. I cannot go back where I am before. This small voice telling me, you've been there before don't try to go back. I know some few people who doesn't understand put judgement but it's okey. Sometimes we have to go through all of the things so we'll know what are our priorities and we'll know where is our real loyalty, is it with God or with the people around us? Is it really God that we really wanted to please or the people around us?

After all the things had happen, I think now my mind is clear. When Ate and Ethan are not with us anymore I know that deep in my heart I did my best regardless of what other people' judgement. Deep in my heart I know I did my best to give this two children the foundation they need as they face the real world outside. And as for me I am planning to continue teaching and planning to pursue and study the profession more in the future if given a chance. And as for me and my house I will continue to praise and Love God regardless  of what other people say. I don't care anymore if they think that I am using the name of the Lord it is for the Lord to judge me not the people around for afterall this is what he want us to do. I will continue to glorify him no matter what. Afterall, all blessings I have now I am proud to say that He is the one who provided it all.

John 17:4  "I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.

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