(Part of Ate's Literature book is to write an essay about any topic she wants to write and this is what she wrote that moves me)
Recently, I have been trying to seek God more during my quiet moments. As Ate Danna and Ethan prepare to leave, my heart feels both grateful and sad. They will be returning to the Philippines to continue their studies there. Studying here in Malaysia is quite expensive, and considering the cultural differences, there are also many adjustments students have to make just to fit in. We will definitely miss them. They have been with us for two years, and during that time, we created so many wonderful memories together.
When Ethan first came, I found myself questioning my worth—not only as an individual but also as a teacher. Although I graduated with a degree in Education, I never practiced teaching professionally. Instead, I pursued librarianship, which, for me, felt much easier than teaching. When Ethan came into our lives, I believed I still had so much to prove before I could truly call myself a teacher.
Even then, I believe God was already reminding me of who I am through Isaiah 43:4: "You are precious in my sight, you are honored, and I love you." Yet despite His promises, my self-worth remained low. Perhaps it was because of the many unexpected and painful experiences I had gone through before they came into our lives.
There were times when I wondered how God could love me beyond measure. I never questioned my faith in Him or His faithfulness to me because, through every hardship and every failure, His grace never ceased to amaze me. Looking back now, I realize that maybe God wasn't trying to prove His faithfulness to me—He already had. The real struggle was my inability to believe what He had been saying about me all along. He gave me signs over and over again to show me that He was right and that my doubts were wrong. This wasn't the first time He had done that. God has shown His faithfulness to me countless times. The problem was that I kept returning to the same unhealthy people, the same circumstances, and the same patterns. As we say in Filipino, "Matigas lang talaga ang ulo ko."
The reason I never pursued teaching, despite finishing my degree, was because I believed that a diploma, credentials, seminars, and CPD units were not enough to become a good teacher. I was afraid of the kind of influence I might have on the children entrusted to me. Teaching is more than delivering lessons—it is helping shape lives. That responsibility always intimidated me.
When I started homeschooling my own children, I slowly gained confidence. But I still wasn't confident enough to teach other children—not until God sent Ethan and later, Ate Danna.
Ate Danna came the following year, just when I was about to give up on Ethan because many of my plans had not worked out. During that season, I prayed earnestly for God to show me the right people and place me in the right circumstances. As always, God remained faithful to His promises. Something happened that changed everything. I knew I could no longer go back to where I had been before.
There was a quiet voice in my heart saying, "You've already been there. Don't go back." I know there are people who may not understand my decisions and who may judge me, and that's okay. Sometimes, we have to walk through difficult seasons to discover what truly matters. Those moments reveal where our priorities lie and where our loyalty really belongs. Is it with God, or with the people around us? Are we living to please God, or are we more concerned about pleasing others?
After everything that has happened, I believe my mind is finally clear. When Ate Danna and Ethan leave, I know deep in my heart that I did my best. Regardless of other people's opinions or judgments, I know I gave these two children the best foundation I could as they prepare to face the world on their own.
As for me, I plan to continue teaching. If God gives me the opportunity, I also want to study the profession more deeply and continue growing as an educator.
And as for me and my household, we will continue to love, serve, and praise God regardless of what other people may say. I no longer worry if people misunderstand me or think I am merely using the name of the Lord. God alone knows my heart, and He is the One who will judge me—not people. My desire is simply to glorify Him.
After all, every blessing I have today came from Him. I am proud to say that God is the One who has provided it all. To Him alone be all the glory.
John 17:4 "I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.
