Ate's Essay

(Part of Ate's Literature book is to write an essay about any topic she wants to write and this is what she wrote that moves me)

Excerpt in Ate's essay:

I know now that God knows me. He has helped me and my family through countless of troubles. God help me and love me. I regret when I was young, I thought God didn't want me, and I lost my confidence and faith. Until when he send me to my loving teacher. He used my teacher to tell me that God loves me no matter what. I just need to pray and ask for forgiveness. My teacher taught me a lot of things I needed to know, and I was thankful to my teacher and to God. Although I don't know what my future lies ahead, but I know for sure that in the future I will still love God and put him first in any circumstances. --Ate Danna.

Recently, I have been trying to seek God more during my quiet moments. As Ate Danna and Ethan prepare to leave, my heart feels both grateful and sad. They will be returning to the Philippines to continue their studies there. Studying here in Malaysia is quite expensive, and considering the cultural differences, there are also many adjustments students have to make just to fit in. We will definitely miss them. They have been with us for two years, and during that time, we created so many wonderful memories together.

When Ethan first came, I found myself questioning my worth—not only as an individual but also as a teacher. Although I graduated with a degree in Education, I never practiced teaching professionally. Instead, I pursued librarianship, which, for me, felt much easier than teaching. When Ethan came into our lives, I believed I still had so much to prove before I could truly call myself a teacher.

Even then, I believe God was already reminding me of who I am through Isaiah 43:4: "You are precious in my sight, you are honored, and I love you." Yet despite His promises, my self-worth remained low. Perhaps it was because of the many unexpected and painful experiences I had gone through before they came into our lives.

There were times when I wondered how God could love me beyond measure. I never questioned my faith in Him or His faithfulness to me because, through every hardship and every failure, His grace never ceased to amaze me. Looking back now, I realize that maybe God wasn't trying to prove His faithfulness to me—He already had. The real struggle was my inability to believe what He had been saying about me all along. He gave me signs over and over again to show me that He was right and that my doubts were wrong. This wasn't the first time He had done that. God has shown His faithfulness to me countless times. The problem was that I kept returning to the same unhealthy people, the same circumstances, and the same patterns. As we say in Filipino, "Matigas lang talaga ang ulo ko."

The reason I never pursued teaching, despite finishing my degree, was because I believed that a diploma, credentials, seminars, and CPD units were not enough to become a good teacher. I was afraid of the kind of influence I might have on the children entrusted to me. Teaching is more than delivering lessons—it is helping shape lives. That responsibility always intimidated me.

When I started homeschooling my own children, I slowly gained confidence. But I still wasn't confident enough to teach other children—not until God sent Ethan and later, Ate Danna.

Ate Danna came the following year, just when I was about to give up on Ethan because many of my plans had not worked out. During that season, I prayed earnestly for God to show me the right people and place me in the right circumstances. As always, God remained faithful to His promises. Something happened that changed everything. I knew I could no longer go back to where I had been before.

There was a quiet voice in my heart saying, "You've already been there. Don't go back." I know there are people who may not understand my decisions and who may judge me, and that's okay. Sometimes, we have to walk through difficult seasons to discover what truly matters. Those moments reveal where our priorities lie and where our loyalty really belongs. Is it with God, or with the people around us? Are we living to please God, or are we more concerned about pleasing others?

After everything that has happened, I believe my mind is finally clear. When Ate Danna and Ethan leave, I know deep in my heart that I did my best. Regardless of other people's opinions or judgments, I know I gave these two children the best foundation I could as they prepare to face the world on their own.

As for me, I plan to continue teaching. If God gives me the opportunity, I also want to study the profession more deeply and continue growing as an educator.

And as for me and my household, we will continue to love, serve, and praise God regardless of what other people may say. I no longer worry if people misunderstand me or think I am merely using the name of the Lord. God alone knows my heart, and He is the One who will judge me—not people. My desire is simply to glorify Him.

After all, every blessing I have today came from Him. I am proud to say that God is the One who has provided it all. To Him alone be all the glory.

John 17:4  "I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.

Gratitude

Lately, I have started to appreciate the life God has given me and the work He has entrusted to me. I have begun to realize my true purpose in this world.

Sometimes, in our desire to fit into the world, we work so hard to become the person we think everyone expects us to be—even when that may not be who God is calling us to become. We spend so much time trying to make other people happy, believing that if everyone approves of us, we will finally be happy too.

We become so consumed with what others might think or say about us that we forget to ask the most important question: "Lord, what do You want me to do? Who do You want me to become?"

The truth is, we can never please everyone. That is simply the reality of life. Sooner or later, someone will misunderstand us, disappoint us, or even hurt us. The real question is not whether we will be hurt, but who is worth making sacrifices for.

Ethan

The noisiest... but also one of the most lovable.

Was it worth it?

Without a doubt—yes.

A year or two ago, I tried to return to the life I had before—a workaholic mother of three. I applied for many jobs, hoping to continue the career I had left behind. Unfortunately, I wasn't accepted into most of them. For a while, I felt as though I had lost the person I used to be because I had stopped working almost ten years earlier.

Ten years ago, I made the decision to homeschool my children while they were still young. The first few years were not easy. I was adjusting to a new country, a new culture, and a completely different way of life. I was far from my comfort zone, and there were many moments when I questioned my decisions.

Eventually, I found a job. I attended interviews, was hired, and worked for about a year. But then I resigned.

It wasn't because I disliked the job or because the salary wasn't enough. Deep inside, I simply felt that something was missing. My heart wasn't at peace. I realized that what I truly wanted was to be present for my children during the years they needed me most.

Please don't misunderstand me. I have nothing but admiration for mothers who work outside the home. In fact, they deserve so much respect. Balancing a career while raising children is no easy task. I've experienced that life myself, and I know how exhausting it can be.

Whether a mother works full-time at home or outside the home, there is no competition. Every mother wants what is best for her children, and every family's situation is different. We should celebrate one another instead of comparing ourselves.

During our art project

(Basket making)

Lovi's basket

Ate and her work

of art

Doing some Arts

and crafts

Looking back, I can honestly say that choosing to become a full-time homeschooling mom was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Sometimes we need to make sacrifices today that our future selves will thank us for tomorrow.

No amount of money can replace the joy of witnessing your children grow day by day. Time passes so quickly. One moment they are learning to read, and before you know it, they are becoming independent young people with dreams of their own.

Every day, I have the privilege of guiding them, learning with them, laughing with them, and watching them become the people God created them to be. These ordinary days, which may seem repetitive to others, have become some of the most meaningful moments of my life.

Over the years, God also entrusted other children to our homeschool journey.

Ate and Ethan

My two additional

blessing from God

I will always be grateful to their parents for trusting me with their children. To be honest, there were many times when I felt afraid. I wondered if I was capable enough or if I would be able to fulfill the responsibility God had placed in my hands.

But every single day, these children reminded me why I said yes.

Their curiosity, laughter, creativity, and simple faith reminded me that life doesn't have to be as complicated as adults often make it. Sometimes, the greatest lessons come from seeing the world through the eyes of a child.

There will always be people who question our choices or tell us what we cannot do. Years ago, I probably would have spent my time defending myself or trying to prove them wrong.

Today, I have learned something different.

The best response isn't always to argue. Sometimes, the best response is to remain silent, keep doing what God has called you to do, pray, and allow Him to fight your battles.

Not every criticism deserves a response, and not every opinion deserves a place in your heart.

God knows our motives. He sees every sacrifice that no one else notices. He understands every tear, every prayer, and every act of obedience done in secret.

If He has called us to something, He will also give us the grace and strength to accomplish it.

Looking back now, I no longer see the years I spent at home as years I "gave up" my career. Instead, I see them as years I invested in the lives of my children—and that investment has brought a reward no paycheck could ever replace.

I may never become the richest person in the world, but every time I see my children growing in wisdom, kindness, faith, and confidence, I know I have already received one of God's greatest blessings.

At the end of the day, success is not about how much money we earn or how impressive our job title is. Success is knowing that we faithfully lived the purpose God prepared for us, loved the people He entrusted to us, and left a legacy that will last far beyond this lifetime.

What are we in this world?

The moment I started reading the bible, I always find it quite fascinating. Not because I am a religious person honestly I am not, I'd rather have a relationship with him than being religious, because as I grow older and increases the number in my age God reveals Himself a little bit each day to me. Don't judge me for being so vocal about my faith and label me as someone whose using the word of God to my advantage. Mas ok na yon kesa si taning ang gamitin ko di ba? 
Aminado ako I am a sinner and everyday I ask God to forgive my sins pero hindi ako hypocrito. God forbids me for my bad attitude. I know He will yon lang pinaniniwalaan ko and that He will love me no matter what and I proved that already because He continuously bless me and do so many wonders in my life. Maybe God, see something what the human eye cannot.
Sabi nga never compare your journey with others. Your path is unique. Own it and make the best out of it. With true honesty at the end of the day when we are about to close our eyes, try to imagine whose with you. Then that is the only time that we realize who and what are the most important thing in our lives. Lately since we had so much time, actually time is one of the most important thing in this world because it's just vanish so fast without us notice it sometimes, it's not money or energy as what others says, minsan kung sino pa yung nagsasabi hindi lahat ng bagay pera try to check what kind of lifestyle they have. Sometimes reality we are just a reflection of what we think and see of our surroundings tama? Because when we loose time we can never get it back so be careful how and who we spent our time with. Arnold and I started to revisit our Life goals. Little did we know we have achieve something naman pala. 
Minsan kase sa sobrang kabusyhan feeling natin bakit parang walang nangyayari sa buhay natin. It's still the first quarter of the year. I know with the guidance of the Lord life would be easy and happy and more goals on how to have a fuller life can still be achieve. So before we close our eyes in the evening always remember or maybe ask ourselves what are we in this world? Isn't that we are just a mist in the night that vanish in the morning. Have a blessed day ahead of us.

Dear 50 Year Old Self

Twenty fifteen (2015) is almost over. Five more hours and Twenty sixteen (2016) will be part of our present life. As we create another story let us let go of all the hurts people brought us, the mistakes we had in the past and let us all move forward with a grateful heart. And as we celebrate the New Year with our family. I want to take this time to write a letter to my future self. :)

Dear Future Self,

December 31, 2025

I never do this in my entire life talking to you but I know it's about time to be close to you now that I am nearly half the age, fifty (50) to be exact. Ten or nine years from now I will be retiring I am sixty (60) by then. I know that you also want to have a good life just like me and anybody else, such an hypocrite if someone says he doesn't want a better life in the future. Though Arnold always ask me what is my definition of a better life? Well it all depends on every individual I think. I hope you did enjoy watching the beach from sunrise to sunset, together with our children and their family. Good health is all I am wishing for. Ten years from now I know most of our dreams came true already. We visited almost part of the world, and we will visit the rest more. Thank you for being kind to me. I just want you to have more life to live so that we can serve and bless others more. I know God bless us abundantly and I know God has a plan for our fortune. The Children are already grown up and I am happy for what and how they become. I hope that they will just continue what we have started. By the way the home for our elders are ready for renovation. They are just waiting for your approval. And the newly hired teachers for our school are ready for orientation. And our book has a good review from the public. Our stocks are falling down a bit but it doesn't matter, it doesn't affect our finances at all. Today ends another year and tomorrow is a new beginning. I will continue to praise God for all the abundant blessings He provided us. I will never get tired loving and praising Him. I will never stop helping and blessing others as well. So on this day future self I just want to thank you for always being there for me and for not leaving me despite of all the circumstances. God bless to us. Cheers and Happy More New Year to us.