Dear 50 Year Old Self

Twenty fifteen (2015) is almost over. Five more hours and Twenty sixteen (2016) will be part of our present life. As we create another story let us let go of all the hurts people brought us, the mistakes we had in the past and let us all move forward with a grateful heart. And as we celebrate the New Year with our family. I want to take this time to write a letter to my future self. :)

Dear Future Self,

December 31, 2025

I never do this in my entire life talking to you but I know it's about time to be close to you now that I am nearly half the age, fifty (50) to be exact. Ten or nine years from now I will be retiring I am sixty (60) by then. I know that you also want to have a good life just like me and anybody else, such an hypocrite if someone says he doesn't want a better life in the future. Though Arnold always ask me what is my definition of a better life? Well it all depends on every individual I think. I hope you did enjoy watching the beach from sunrise to sunset, together with our children and their family. Good health is all I am wishing for. Ten years from now I know most of our dreams came true already. We visited almost part of the world, and we will visit the rest more. Thank you for being kind to me. I just want you to have more life to live so that we can serve and bless others more. I know God bless us abundantly and I know God has a plan for our fortune. The Children are already grown up and I am happy for what and how they become. I hope that they will just continue what we have started. By the way the home for our elders are ready for renovation. They are just waiting for your approval. And the newly hired teachers for our school are ready for orientation. And our book has a good review from the public. Our stocks are falling down a bit but it doesn't matter, it doesn't affect our finances at all. Today ends another year and tomorrow is a new beginning. I will continue to praise God for all the abundant blessings He provided us. I will never get tired loving and praising Him. I will never stop helping and blessing others as well. So on this day future self I just want to thank you for always being there for me and for not leaving me despite of all the circumstances. God bless to us. Cheers and Happy More New Year to us.

Letter to Person who almost ruined my faith

Dear Someone,

I hope you are in good mood upon reading this letter. It's been months, oh now a year already that I almost totally got out of my inner self. I thought that my experience upon experience already made me stronger and no challenges can break my soul again. But with what you have shown me, I realized that in life we should never stop creating ourselves for you made me feel completely worthless and again you almost ruined me emotionally.

I don't hate you though I want to thank you.

It took me months before I finally realized that it wasn't me not being good enough for you, but you were not being good enough for me. Though I constantly reminding myself that relationship should be shared by two different people having a common goal to love and satisfy the needs of others and I am trying to convince myself that I wasn't able to satisfy you in what so ever circumstances we had. But you also have to admit that I also deserve better than just being ignored, I deserve better than just by being manipulated, I deserve better than just being judged and labeled as a person that I was not. I deserve better than you.

I know I'm not the person as I was these past few months because I would never give someone complete power over me where I feel worthless. I have consumed nothing but negativity for a while. Good thing there are still a lot of people who can be a source of light to other people's darkness. And I was so thankful to them because they bring back my courage and faith in myself when at times I woke up every single day drowning and hoping your hand will pull me up and save me. But I was wrong, I realized lately that your hands were never there to save me, but instead you were there to push me below the surface and it adds to my sorrow and pain but it's okay. For I know someday, someone will going to save me because God is faithful even though sometimes I lost my confidence in me. But he never was, he never fails to show me His love and mercy everyday.

I just want you to know that you add darkness during my toughest day in my life. I trusted you with all my heart. I told you every single part of my dark life. When in fact I never ashamed of them because that's how God made me for who I am today. I know you are a good person, but next time asks yourself, what it was you ever did to me. Imagine me, someone who trusted you, consider as my best greatest confidante but it turn out to be the other way around. I don't blame everything to you. But imagine me, someone, who blame herself for being not good enough, someone who almost lost her faith in herself, someone who almost got lost how a relationship should be despite her undeniably years of experience. Imagine and feel all of these, I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden in my heart.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating someone that I am not. I am no longer feel worthless, I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others just to feel that I am worthy. I am thankful you were part of my life because you are the worst best thing happen to me.

I do hope you're happy, and I just want you to know I don't regret having you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience everyday without the approval of others. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. For you have thought me to trust myself more without the opinion of others and most specially you have thought me to trust God more than ever without the help of others. Too many great things have come from that darkness.  Too many great things have come from you. And I wish and hope that too many good things will happen to you specially what all you heart desire.

For in the end, We accept the love we think we deserve.

Thy Will be Done

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans for good, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

After 9 years, it was proven that the word "ikayu na pung bahala" (your will be done) was the most effective way for me to ask for God's blessings because 9 years ago I only ask for a companion, but he gave me more than I ask for..."DIRECTION"

Today was my eldest son's birthday (Sept 05). Time really flies so fast and it seems like yesterday that I was condemned and crucify by just having him in my life (hehe just joking) because ten years ago I was judged by different people with different point of view. With the kind of society, we have sometimes you are being judged without knowing the real score behind the story. 

I ask God at that time to give me a companion. But instead He delivers different individual to make my life quiet miserable. I never understand then why, but I've tried everything to face with courage every challenge that comes my way. Honestly, I was scared then but it's true when no one seems to listen that's the only time that you will find the answer and the real purpose from within.

Now I know And these are my purpose.

 

And this is

It should be 80/20

          According to some successful individuals or some brainy spiritual people I may say,  there is these rule of the thumb that in many instances 80% of the what happened to us stem from 20% of the causes. Very few people know and apply this secret, that is why millions of people are unhappy, stress, has lots of problems, and heartache. They never seem to be a success in life. Terrible things seem to be constantly in their shoes. Bad days follow after bad days. Worry consumes time, anger breaks friendships, theirs is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.

         What is this 20% of life made up? It is what happens to us. Then the 80% of it was decided by how we reacted. What does this mean? We really have no control over 20% of what happens to us. We cannot control our husband, relatives and friend to make bad decisions sometimes, just like us they are just only human being. They may hurt us unconsciously others may hurt us so badly because of their selfish reaction but hey they didn't  control our minds to make our life miserable. Don't let people fool you. WE can control how we react! That is the other 80% that makes the difference. Let me give you some example base on my experience.

          4 years ago my husband and I venture into a business which we didn't study carefully. No need to elaborate, but what happened was now a history hehehe...But we did not let our disposition to crumpled and breakdown, even though the business collapse we are not discouraged by what happened to us. Yes. we stop the business, but we are still positive that someday we can do another try and make it happened. With that business we've learned to study our retirement life, we are starting to be careful with our finances. Same as when a devil enters our relationship, we've just learned to know more about each other, became aware of our needs and now more conscious and courteous to each other.  

           I believe now that in every negative there is a positive and in every bad instance there is a blessing in disguise.  That sometimes being nice to the people you don't like isn't called two faced, it's called growing up (thank God I grow and she doesn't because she rejected my friendship bitter till now). That 1o years of being together we've learned that in our everyday life don't let others control you. Because we have the power to rule over our lives, we have the power to be happy, not to be miserable, to enjoy every second of the day. And I used that verses because I believe that we must not fear what kills the body, like how people treated you, how others looks upon you. We must be more aware and afraid of both what kills the body & the souls. Now ask yourself can YOU control how you react!

Letting Go of the Past

Spiritual Sunday

Have you ever experience sad moments in your life? Lost or Betrayal maybe? that someone did something bad and you feel that you don't deserve it. I believed some point in our life we all experienced this kind of feelings. 

The feeling of lost, of being betrayed, and the feeling of sadness because of happenings that was unavoidable. Past experience that until now still haunting us in the present life. Past was pertaining to a former time or state; neither present nor future. They said gone were the days but why others still agonizing the past trouble or past offences. 

I myself have the tendency of doing that until I've read this bible verses on Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you future and a hope" 

Though I know it was easier said than done but I am getting over it little by little and the big question was how? Like most things that are important, it takes time. Time does heal a wound. And in every healing there is a process.

1. ACCEPTANCE

I believed that acceptance was the number one and most important rule in healing the wounds created by the past. Recognizing it was partly giving us the authority to control the situation and the rest is up to chances and circumstances. 

2. GRIEVE

Next was grieve, grieving was known when we lost a loved ones but the truth is we can also grieve in other kinds of sadness that we experience in our daily lives. We need that to move on, to release all the negative vibration we have. While in this process we will feel different emotions from joy, anger, hurt, confusion, uncertainty, self-doubt to insecurity and that was all normal.

3. CLOSURE

The closure was like putting appropriate punctuation in the past incidents. To end the grieving process, to end the feeling of lost and the feeling of sadness. Closure depends entirely to the person being hurt. I for example I never let the past ruin my future. Yes, I was hurt but that was just a feeling, as long as we never did something wrong to the person who hurt us, their conscience will haunt them especially when KARMA strikes back I believe.

4. GETTING OVER

Getting over was like counting your blessing over the most painful things ever happened and you will realize there was more good than bad experiences after all. Consider the long moment of happiness to just a split moment of bad encounter and finally we can achieve a happy and peaceful life that we all want because happiness really lies within us. 

And before I end, I want to quote this from my friend's FB account "At the end of the day the one who loves you will not make you cry at night about him/her. They will be right beside you telling you it will be alright" so when you feel bad about the past just tried to focus on the present and feel lucky that you still have someone around that can make you feel happy.

Bible Book of Eli #3 Mellow Yellow Monday

It's Monday once again. It was the beginning of the week for all of us and hopefully everything went well...Happy Monday to all and to you Mr. Linky.

My husband and I love watching movies together. I think that's the best blessing I had for having him in my life. Despite  our imperfection, we have so many things in common. One time while watching the movie entitled Book of Eli we try to ask each other in the beginning of the story if what was the book Eli was trying to save. The movie was so simple, but it was nice. The scene a post-apocalyptic tale, in which a lone man fights his way across America in order to protect a sacred book that hold the secrets to saving mankind. While watching the movie I cannot help but realized that the answer to all of our questions in our everyday living was right here in this book which was highly unappreciated and not read by many, we sometimes forget the power of the bible. Three weeks ago my husband bought my eldest son this bible because they need it in their Sunday school, and after one week of having it which is two weeks ago we had some unavoidable trials between me and my husband, but reading this book unintentionally save us from any misery coming our way. So now I am sharing it all to you for it is written when the devil was trying to tempt Jesus in the mountain in Mathew 4: 4 Jesus said, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God".

John 8:3-11

³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now, what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
¹¹"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

This is my first entry for joining Spiritual Sunday try the blog it is worth reading. Few weeks ago there are so many questions in my head that trying to find answer, lot of things trying to occupy my brain that makes my life miserable, then all of a sudden in a very mysterious way God gave me the answer by stumbled upon on spiritual Sunday blog. And this is my first post, I know I am not God and it's hard to be like him because we have a loving and forgiving God, but reading between the lines of this verses I've realized that this is one of the reasons why God gave us his only begotten son and be one of us. To realize that we have the ability to be like him, remember we are made thru HIS image and likeness so we also have the ability to forgive those who have done wrong to us after all who are we to judge.