We've Learned from our Mistakes

I was about to write the third step on how to Pay off debts since I and my husband promised that we will share everything we've learned in any way possible. After all the bad things happened to us in the past it's a way of giving back (kahit sa blog lang) so that they will not experience what we've been through. I want people to know that there is hope and there is a big God more than their debts and problems, that they don't need to worry even though they are drowning with debts, been there done that. But before sharing the 3rd step, with a lot of blessings coming our way these past few months I just wanted to share something first.

When that happened to us my interpretation of God's words became different. It became positive, writing some few verses that help us then get through it, that might be useful sa makakabasa. 

      For I know the plan I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11

Eight (8) years ago turning nine (9) this coming August, I still remember because I was about to give birth with my youngest, she is turning nine this coming August. Our life was way, way, lot more different from today miles and miles away if I may say. Thinking how we survived that chaotic part of our lives was still a big mystery to me and my husband. We are drowning with debts, we are living in a one bedroom apartment because the other room need to used as a stock room for my husband business venture. I have three little kids who are still depending on us, no cars, no savings, a lot of posts dated checks need to be paid, lenders calling me left and right just to remind us that they need to bank in their check as soon as possible, living in a paycheck to paycheck salary and not even enough to sustain our everyday needs, because our salary was less than the amount of debt we need to pay, cancer- afflicted me, operated twice, became a single mother of three in an instant (My husband went overseas) some of the most important people in our lives past away without any signs. It was really a rock bottom life. 

       And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 4:19

Buying something for my children was not on my priority list at that time. I remember one time going back home after office hour, I was thinking of my son and I wanted him to buy a pair of socks. I was with my co-worker walking because we wanted to save our money on transportation, we saw this guy buying used sim cards in the market. Oh, by the way, my husband went overseas after realizing that there is no way we can pay the damage done to us after what happened to our last business and he left everything behind, well what I meant was, he left all the garbage but not his responsibilities. Imagine one room full of garbage? what am I going to do with those garbage? At that time if only I can do magic and turn those garbage into money better isn't it, problem solve, but it was not easy. I ask my husband at that moment on the phone, and without blinking and hesitation maybe out of loosing interest to the business he just told me to throw away everything and he doesn't want to see them again when he comes back (I know those garbage cost a lot but since I am not an Engineer for me they are mere garbage),  but God really works in mysterious ways I was able to dispose and benefit from them, little did I know that after selling those bunch of sim cards I am in front of a vendor buying socks for my son since the next day was the opening or the first day of school and he still needs new pair of socks to wear . Thinking now, those events were meant to happen, because those experiences made us who we are today, it is true that you cannot share unless you have something to share, it gives us more faith and understanding that during those rough times it was the biggest blessing we ever had. 

     Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -- Matthew 11: 28

Why had the biggest blessing? because my husband and I learned so many things it's a kind of OJT, the most expensive on the job training about life,  that when you cannot do anything about the situation just close your eyes and take a deep breathe. We learned to depend on Him. We learned to ask for something extraordinary, I even challenge Him  (Well God loves challenges, by the way, just to prove that we are wrong and He is right, that He is more than we ask for), we learned the power of humility which we need in able to survive. It was so amazing that most of our lenders which we didn't run away were so kind they even gave us food sometimes just to survive, they supported us all the way. Because during those times It was really difficult to eat decent meals if all our lenders will ask us to pay them all at one time. I save every bit of my salary and every remittance my husband send me just to pay our monthly dues. 

*April 19, 2011, was our freedom day, last payment of the remaining check,  free from debts and from that day on we read, we study, we listened to any informative things then we share as much as possible para ma retain sya. Sabi nga pag nagkamali huwag ng paulit ulit. Now we believe money is not the problem of every person but their pride and attitude.

   For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. -- Psalms 91:11

During those hard times real friends came, those people whom I never imagine I will ask favor from them, sometimes they even have the initiative to lend me money when gas run out when milk was on their last scoop and diaper was on the last piece. (That is why I believed in Angel) God really send the right people to us. Each day was a miracle for me at that time, every struggle there was an answered prayer, and even me, I cannot explain how those things and events happens and those people came out every day. Though according to Bo Sanchez "God stands by his friends. I became more faithful to him, I've learned the power of tithing, the power of giving more than receiving. Now no regrets with all those events. God really works and walks in a mysterious way. We may not know what His plan for us today, but rest assured that He will never leave us nor forsake us. And those angels they remained loyal to us, and it didn't end there because more angels keep on coming.

Have a happy and fruitful life.

Liberal versus Traditional

While browsing Facebook some post got me motivated to share my thoughts about being liberal or traditional. Let me start this writing by defining these two words. LIBERAL means willing to respect or accept behavior or opinions different from one's own, open to new ideas while TRADITIONAL define as an existing in or as part of a long established tradition; habitually done, used or found.

Writing this is just base on my own personal opinion, but also based on my own personal experiences so reading this try not to be judgmental. For they say experience is still the best teacher in life if you really wanted to succeed and find true happiness. A person can be highly and academically intellectual in school but ignorant, unhappy and foolish in real life. Socrates believed that there were different kinds of knowledge, important and trivial. He acknowledges that most of us know many "trivial" things. He states that craftsman possesses the important knowledge, the practice of his craft, but this is important only to himself not to others. But this is not what Socrates is referring to, He is referring to the most important of all knowledge and that is "how best to live". He put forward as the factor as a basis of arguments and that is not easily answered, and most people live in shameful ignorance regarding matters of ethics and morals.

Now let us go deeper and take a look at the broad side of which of the two can help us go through in life. I am not an expert I am just trying to share something that my children might be able to read in the future. I cannot say that I am too traditional because I believed that there are some ways or some few things in the past that needs to be buried behind. 

For example in my family we homeschool our children, we encourage them to accept the fact that mistake and failure are two normal things that they need to embrace, that all they need to do is just think of the ways how to go through it and what to do if they commit mistakes or if they fail. No one taught us about how to face failure but in reality failure is part of life, you cannot appreciate success if you don't know what failure is all about. We homeschool them not because they have problems or because we cannot afford to send them to regular school. We believed in the saying that if we think education is expensive try ignorance. We homeschool them because we believed that they need to embrace changes just like how we embrace TELEVISION, COMPUTER, AND TECHNOLOGY that they need to realize that improvement is parallel to changes. How a person is able to improve if his doing the same thing over and over again and wanting a different result, taking the same road and wanting the different destination  that is totally foolish. 

We don't have anything against traditional school because without it weren't able to know the basic, but we believed that there are more than the world can offer, most people know this especially those who started living their dreams after they realize finishing first in school is not the end result of being successful, that life is a race of reality of everyday event happening in our lives not a destination that everyone is expecting no finish. That is why no one can define us because of our mistakes or because of our decision we make. In reality, we are the one doing our destiny, our happiness.

Next we teach our children the importance of money and relationship, Money is not the main thing in our family because if it is, my children are all wearing NIKE, playing the IPAD, having all this luxurious thing that money can buy then buried ourselves in debt, but it isn't, because we believe that literacy is better than ignorance, we believe in love, integrity, discipline and honesty. Actually according to survey these people are not really rich because truly rich people believe that financial independence is more important than displaying high social status. That is why we believe that we need to teach our next generation the importance of how to be financially literate or else the cycle will go on and on and we don't want that to happen. We wanted our children that at the end of the day when we don't have all the time and energy to help people they will be there to continue what we have started with their time, energy and resources, because we also believe if we can give more than our time why not maximize the thing if it is possible. 

Being traditional is good but there are also pros and cons. For example in a family, the male is the sole responsible for taking care of the families economic needs that are good because the wife has all the time to take care her children but with our modern world we cannot consider these things. Unexpected things might happen and we as a wife may not be ready yet same goes with our children because they might be getting used to it, believing having somebody around all the time to pick up their pieces. In a traditional environment, parents and children relationship are strong and stable but wait till both parents and children feel the burnout. As children are growing we as a parent must learn how to let go and we cannot just do this if from the start we didn't train ourselves that our children are not our possession, for according to Kahlil Gibran a prophet:

"Our children are not your children. 

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you, 

and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts. 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls, 

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."

There is only one goal I believe that every human individual wanted in their lives and that is to be HAPPY. If being traditional makes you happy be it, and if being liberal makes your life better just go on and makes your life better and always remember this...

" People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost ". --Dalai Lama

Home Run

18 

Movie time! my husband and I usually have this movie time specially when kids are already in bed sleeping and we are in the mood to share our "we time" together. Last night since we felt so tired because our weekend schedule was extremely extraordinary we decided to watched movie together since we are not doing it for quite some time maybe because we became so busy this past few months. 

At the start of the movie, someone sends a message on Kakao telling us to read Isaiah chapter sixty (60). I am not really a Bible reader because growing up, reading Bible was not part of our home environment. Bible reading was merely a part of force implementation I may say at school so I never enjoy reading the Bible at all. Since the movie was about to start I just told myself that, okay I will check on it later or if not, tomorrow. Because sometimes I fell asleep in the middle of the movie. 

The movie was the usual story about a pro baseball player with a substance abuse problem, forced to rehab in his hometown because there was a 12-week program in their church that according to his manager was quite effective. But the movie was also about finding new hope, accepting the past and moving on. He gets honest about his checkered past and takes on coaching duties after his brother got into an accident because of his careless driving. This movie was highly recommended if you want to change your life :)

In the middle of the movie my husband and I are both sobbing, with our fair share of experience with our parents. Him with his alcoholic father and me with my emotionally abusive mother. Obviously my husband will not let me notice it but watching this movie make us realized that our life is not a product of our past. This movie was so timely with what is happening in our lives now, how the Lord change and still changing us both. We both came in a family that I can say the normal one. Me on my part, I saw a lot of misunderstanding, fighting about money, and personal issues. My mom used to beat us her children with something that she can pick up every time her anger arises, insult was the usual words every time she has a problem with money, with my father, with her relatives. 

I kept grudges especially on her even though she loves me more than my siblings since I am the youngest of the brood. As I became older I didn't notice that those feelings files up in my emotions, that the reasons why I wanted to satisfy her are not because I love her or because I am an obedient daughter but because I am afraid of her anger, I am afraid that she might hit me even though I am already grown up, since I saw what she and my sisters had been through in the past, I don't want to disappoint her. Growing up I followed every detailed that she wants me to be.

Time went by and the Lord was really true to his promises.

Matthew 10:37-39

37."Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

When my mother left me,  after a year or two I realized that she was not her that I really wanted. I was nearly crazy and rebellious when she left me, by then I was old enough to destruct myself. Failed relationship after another looking for someone to take care of me the way she took care of me. Just like my mother it was music to my ear every time I said bad words and insult other people and heard insult from them in return, but God really knows what our heart desire. Carrying my own cross she sent a lot of angels along the way, that every time I stumbled down someone was there to pick me up. It is true that just honor the Lord and definitely the right people will find you. I got tired running around and He sent his most trusted angel. I called her "Nanay". She took me in her wings without hesitation. I thought it was the beginning of something else, but cycle began to roll. I had my first victim, my son. Just like my mother I love him but I am not fond of taking care of him so Nanay was the one who took care of him. What I hate about my mother I was doing it with my son. I beat him, insult him and I got angry without any reasons at times. But I never heard anything from the angel that he sent to look after me and my son.

That went on until my mother came back and be with us again. My life became chaotic again though my mother began to slow down and became more caring to us and her grandchildren. But this time I am already struggling with my past. I am afraid that my son will see how my mother treated me and how I treat her in return and he will do the same thing to me when I grow old. That every time I beat my son and my mother will be in the middle I always told her "you used to do that to us right". I told her intentionally because I wanted her to feel bad, that unconsciously that is already some sort of revenge. That every time  I always bring back the past, that every time I beat my son and she was there to witness, I am already hurting her so badly until she left me again and be with my sister again. I am still longing for her, but I know I am not yet ready to face her, that I still need God to heal me, to forget all about the past. 

Isaiah 43:18

18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

It is true that our past doesn't define our future, that our life is not a product of our surroundings that we can create our own destiny if we want to, but not on our own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding

I am now on the process of facing my past, I already pass the initial steps, I am trying to control my anger especially with my eldest son whom I love so dearly because I know he is also God's angel when I had him. I am fully aware now that my mother had her own past issues that need to attend and I began to understand her more and I am praying for her each day. It is true that when the Lord calls you, you cannot say no. He will use your past hurt and mistakes to understand other people why they reacted that way. I know I am still a work in progress, I am still hurting inside and do some sins sometimes, I still got angry at times, I am not writing this because I wanted to be praise, I don't want to please people now, I don't care what they will say or how they will going to treat me because I already understand better now. I just wanted to share that it is not yet too late. That God loves us regardless of our past circumstances and experiences, that his favor upon us is unlimited, that He has always time for us, that He is just there waiting for us. To love Him with all our heart because He loves us first, long time ago.

Isaiah 60:19-20

The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light and your days of sorrow will end. 

Have a happy and fruitful life

Wicked & Righteous

STEP No. 2: LIST DOWN ALL YOUR DEBTS

Self Discipline <<--click here for Step No.1

Don't Jeopardize Relationships over Money

What do you think is the difference between wicked and righteous? Last time I did some posting about how to pay off debts,  and what are the steps because I know, one way to have peace of mind is to be financially free and another way to have peace is to be debt free.  Let us all admit that no one doesn't want to be financially stable. Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it can give you peace of mind thinking that tomorrow you have something to give to those people who comes to you because they are really financially in need. According to Psalm 37:21--The Wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives. My parents taught me a lot of misconception about life most especially in terms of money. I am not blaming them because they didn't come from a rich family like the Ayala and the Zobel, or the Cojuangco and the Aquinos. 

My parents both came from humble beginnings. Though according to my mother, my father's family own a mango farm in their province and my grandfather on my father side was a well-known educator in their town because he was a school principal. That is why I am still thankful that my parents value education more than anything else in this world. But one thing they didn't educate me is in term of financial literacy. Now I am trying my best to teach my children how to be financially independent at an early age, to be content in what they have, to be frugal and value life and relationship more than anything in this world. 

I saw a lot of broken relationship because of some financial problems. I myself, I experienced it first hand as I enter adulthood and started to be conscious about life and it's meaning, how my mother and father argue because we don't have enough amount of money to pay our monthly bills. How my husband and I fought because our salary was far behind our debts that we need to pay. But those were the days, I thank God that my parents taught me one important thing, how to value people over money. Yes even though I was so preoccupied and busy achieving my goals on how to be financially independent my feet are still on the ground knowing what is important and what is not. Don't waste the long time friendship over money, the happy memories you had with someone because of trying to escape the reality of debt. Paying off debt was as easy as counting and reading the ABC's. Just don't forget to ask the guidance of the lord to give you so much knowledge, courage and the determination to face the reality. So the second step in paying off your debts is LIST DOWN ALL YOUR DEBTS. Do not disregard or ignore some of your lenders because you think that they are close to you, regardless if they are your closest relative, someone whom you think understand you the most, because sometimes we tend to hurt the feelings or ignore those people who are closest to our heart. My mother used to tell me. 

                 "Ang utang ay utang, ang hingi ay hingi, kahit isang 
           daan pa yan pag hiningi mo kahit di mo na bayaran okey
           lang, pero ang piso kahit piso lang yan pag inutang mo ito
           ay kailangan mong bayaran".

This means regardless how much the amount of money you borrow as long as you take it for your own use and benefits returns the favor and don't throw what is the most important things in life, the people around you. So start listing down all  your debts and next time I will tell you how to pay them in a minimal way possible. That you and your lender will both benefit from it.

Happy Savings and Have a fruitful life.

Contemplating 2012

RECOLLECTION

Twenty twelve (2012) was one of the most challenging years for us. This is the first time that I am trying to contemplate things and events that happened in my life. A lot of things to be thankful for, a lot of challenges that I may say brought more maturity to me. I admire those people who never afraid of failing, those who made mistakes so many times just to learn, just to gain knowledge, those who never afraid of changes they are more admirable than any other human individual in this world. Gone were the days when people usually say to one another don't ever change. Changes are the only inevitable in this world especially nowadays with technology, current version easily replaced with a new version in just a blink of eyelashes. Yes, I've changed but I never forgot where I came from, but I've learned my lesson well that's why. They say you loose some, you gain some, but for me I never loose, it just adds up to my life.

SPIRITUAL & FAMILY LIFE

Being a part of this community was one of the best changes we had last year. It's true that in his time, in Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 said For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven, A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted... I am so grateful for having them, for I know God send good people in our lives for a purpose and that purpose is to lead us for a better life. 

FINANCIAL ASPECT

Other change we had been in terms of our financial literacy. Now I am so sure and confident that we are on the right track. We gained 19.50% of our stocks. I know this is not much, but I believe life is not a race it's a journey that we need to savor each day. It's not about how much money we make but how we save it. With our past mistake, I've learned to appreciate things not because I have plenty but because I know how it feels to have nothing. Wealth I believed is not what a person has. It is a state of mind. The people who succeed in life from financial perspective have positive beliefs about money. I know I ignore some few people in terms of their financial needs, but I guess this proverb serve as one of my guiding principle if I really wanted to help  "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" however in every rule there is an exemption we just have to use our right judgement and God's guidance. My lines are open you can ask a question any time via FB, Email, SMS and I am willing to share our knowledge in terms of financial aspects. Though I always told few of my friends who are already asking me about it. I am not a financial expert, but thru my experience I can share a bit of it and  I am trying to learn every day, we can help each other by exchanging our ideas after all two heads are better than one. I want to retire with enough, not more than I need when I am old.

PERSONAL LIFE

They said you will learn real friends when you have nothing but failures and problems and when you are on your worst self and attitude but they still accept you for being you. The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find out who's the one worth suffering for. These people embrace me despite being nasty at a time and unpleasant just like most of my old friends whose with me until now. I treasure each of them (Though sometimes I tend to forgot unintentional of course, a sign of old age hehe). I know we still need a lot of time to know each other, but last year was maybe the crucial year for us to know more of one another and  know the real meaning of friendship and family. For family is not about blood, It's about who is willing to hold your hand when you need it most. I am just one lucky girl because I was lost so many times and every time God sent someone to be with me along the way. My toes and fingers are not enough to these countless people in my life and they just add up every year. Life is too short, people come and go, they say, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we never be the same again"

RESOLUTION

I am not sure if I can do these New Year resolutions because I don't have enough discipline I guess to do it. But for the first time I wanted to achieve something in the next year and the coming year. I will start this year and I will try to revisit it every year. I know New Year resolution are not by force, but they help us do better in life, help us avoid the mistakes which tried to hold us back in the past. That is why I just wanted to:

* Have more faith

* Read more books

* Eat good food (Healthy one, less meat, more fruit and vegetable)

* Listen more to good music

* Be more grateful (7X7X7) to attract positive vibes

* Play more 

* Be more patient and understanding (Especially with my children)

* Learn Mandarin (hahaha near to impossible)

* Attend more training and seminars (on personal and financial aspect)

* Less mindful to negative people and more attentive to the positive one.

* Exercise more (hirap nito need lots of encouragement)

* Find more reason to be happy

So "don't count the years, make the years count" and everything will follow.

Cheers!