Monday, September 30, 2013

Home Run

Movie time! my husband and I usually have this movie time specially when kids are already in bed sleeping and we are in the mood to share our "we time" together. Last night since we felt so tired because our weekend schedule was extremely extraordinary we decided to watched movie together since we are not doing it for quite some time maybe because we became so busy this past few months. 

At the start of the movie, someone sends a message on Kakao telling us to read Isaiah chapter sixty (60). I am not really a Bible reader because growing up, reading Bible was not part of our home environment. Bible reading was merely a part of force implementation I may say at school so I never enjoy reading the Bible at all. Since the movie was about to start I just told myself that, okay I will check on it later or if not, tomorrow. Because sometimes I fell asleep in the middle of the movie. 

The movie was the usual story about a pro baseball player with a substance abuse problem, forced to rehab in his hometown because there was a 12-week program in their church that according to his manager was quite effective. But the movie was also about finding new hope, accepting the past and moving on. He gets honest about his checkered past and takes on coaching duties after his brother got into an accident because of his careless driving. This movie was highly recommended if you want to change your life :)

In the middle of the movie my husband and I are both sobbing, with our fair share of experience with our parents. Him with his alcoholic father and me with my emotionally abusive mother. Obviously my husband will not let me notice it but watching this movie make us realized that our life is not a product of our past. This movie was so timely with what is happening in our lives now, how the Lord change and still changing us both. We both came in a family that I can say the normal one. Me on my part, I saw a lot of misunderstanding, fighting about money, and personal issues. My mom used to beat us her children with something that she can pick up every time her anger arises, insult was the usual words every time she has a problem with money, with my father, with her relatives. 

I kept grudges especially on her even though she loves me more than my siblings since I am the youngest of the brood. As I became older I didn't notice that those feelings files up in my emotions, that the reasons why I wanted to satisfy her are not because I love her or because I am an obedient daughter but because I am afraid of her anger, I am afraid that she might hit me even though I am already grown up, since I saw what she and my sisters had been through in the past, I don't want to disappoint her. Growing up I followed every detailed that she wants me to be.

Time went by and the Lord was really true to his promises.

Matthew 10:37-39

37."Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

When my mother left me,  after a year or two I realized that she was not her that I really wanted. I was nearly crazy and rebellious when she left me, by then I was old enough to destruct myself. Failed relationship after another looking for someone to take care of me the way she took care of me. Just like my mother it was music to my ear every time I said bad words and insult other people and heard insult from them in return, but God really knows what our heart desire. Carrying my own cross she sent a lot of angels along the way, that every time I stumbled down someone was there to pick me up. It is true that just honor the Lord and definitely the right people will find you. I got tired running around and He sent his most trusted angel. I called her "Nanay". She took me in her wings without hesitation. I thought it was the beginning of something else, but cycle began to roll. I had my first victim, my son. Just like my mother I love him but I am not fond of taking care of him so Nanay was the one who took care of him. What I hate about my mother I was doing it with my son. I beat him, insult him and I got angry without any reasons at times. But I never heard anything from the angel that he sent to look after me and my son.

That went on until my mother came back and be with us again. My life became chaotic again though my mother began to slow down and became more caring to us and her grandchildren. But this time I am already struggling with my past. I am afraid that my son will see how my mother treated me and how I treat her in return and he will do the same thing to me when I grow old. That every time I beat my son and my mother will be in the middle I always told her "you used to do that to us right". I told her intentionally because I wanted her to feel bad, that unconsciously that is already some sort of revenge. That every time  I always bring back the past, that every time I beat my son and she was there to witness, I am already hurting her so badly until she left me again and be with my sister again. I am still longing for her, but I know I am not yet ready to face her, that I still need God to heal me, to forget all about the past. 

Isaiah 43:18

18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

It is true that our past doesn't define our future, that our life is not a product of our surroundings that we can create our own destiny if we want to, but not on our own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding

I am now on the process of facing my past, I already pass the initial steps, I am trying to control my anger especially with my eldest son whom I love so dearly because I know he is also God's angel when I had him. I am fully aware now that my mother had her own past issues that need to attend and I began to understand her more and I am praying for her each day. It is true that when the Lord calls you, you cannot say no. He will use your past hurt and mistakes to understand other people why they reacted that way. I know I am still a work in progress, I am still hurting inside and do some sins sometimes, I still got angry at times, I am not writing this because I wanted to be praise, I don't want to please people now, I don't care what they will say or how they will going to treat me because I already understand better now. I just wanted to share that it is not yet too late. That God loves us regardless of our past circumstances and experiences, that his favor upon us is unlimited, that He has always time for us, that He is just there waiting for us. To love Him with all our heart because He loves us first, long time ago.

Isaiah 60:19-20

The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light and your days of sorrow will end. 

Have a happy and fruitful life

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wicked & Righteous

Self Discipline <<--click here for Step No.1

Don't Jeopardize Relationships over Money

What do you think is the difference between wicked and righteous? Last time I did some posting about how to pay off debts,  and what are the steps because I know, one way to have peace of mind is to be financially free and another way to have peace is to be debt free.  Let us all admit that no one doesn't want to be financially stable. Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it can give you peace of mind thinking that tomorrow you have something to give to those people who comes to you because they are really financially in need. According to Psalm 37:21--The Wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives. My parents taught me a lot of misconception about life most especially in terms of money. I am not blaming them because they didn't come from a rich family like the Ayala and the Zobel, or the Cojuangco and the Aquinos. 

My parents both came from humble beginnings. Though according to my mother, my father's family own a mango farm in their province and my grandfather on my father side was a well-known educator in their town because he was a school principal. That is why I am still thankful that my parents value education more than anything else in this world. But one thing they didn't educate me is in term of financial literacy. Now I am trying my best to teach my children how to be financially independent at an early age, to be content in what they have, to be frugal and value life and relationship more than anything in this world. 

I saw a lot of broken relationship because of some financial problems. I myself, I experienced it first hand as I enter adulthood and started to be conscious about life and it's meaning, how my mother and father argue because we don't have enough amount of money to pay our monthly bills. How my husband and I fought because our salary was far behind our debts that we need to pay. But those were the days, I thank God that my parents taught me one important thing, how to value people over money. Yes even though I was so preoccupied and busy achieving my goals on how to be financially independent my feet are still on the ground knowing what is important and what is not. Don't waste the long time friendship over money, the happy memories you had with someone because of trying to escape the reality of debt. Paying off debt was as easy as counting and reading the ABC's. Just don't forget to ask the guidance of the lord to give you so much knowledge, courage and the determination to face the reality. So the second step in paying off your debts is LIST DOWN ALL YOUR DEBTS. Do not disregard or ignore some of your lenders because you think that they are close to you, regardless if they are your closest relative, someone whom you think understand you the most, because sometimes we tend to hurt the feelings or ignore those people who are closest to our heart. My mother used to tell me. 

                 "Ang utang ay utang, ang hingi ay hingi, kahit isang 
           daan pa yan pag hiningi mo kahit di mo na bayaran okey
           lang, pero ang piso kahit piso lang yan pag inutang mo ito
           ay kailangan mong bayaran".

This means regardless how much the amount of money you borrow as long as you take it for your own use and benefits returns the favor and don't throw what is the most important things in life, the people around you. So start listing down all  your debts and next time I will tell you how to pay them in a minimal way possible. That you and your lender will both benefit from it.

Happy Savings and Have a fruitful life.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Contemplating 2012


Twenty twelve (2012) was one of the most challenging years for us. This is the first time that I am trying to contemplate things and events that happened in my life. A lot of things to be thankful for, a lot of challenges that I may say brought more maturity to me. I admire those people who never afraid of failing, those who made mistakes so many times just to learn, just to gain knowledge, those who never afraid of changes they are more admirable than any other human individual in this world. Gone were the days when people usually say to one another don't ever change. Changes are the only inevitable in this world especially nowadays with technology, current version easily replaced with a new version in just a blink of eyelashes. Yes, I've changed but I never forgot where I came from, but I've learned my lesson well that's why. They say you loose some, you gain some, but for me I never loose, it just adds up to my life.


Being a part of this community was one of the best changes we had last year. It's true that in his time, in Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 said For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven, A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted... I am so grateful for having them, for I know God send good people in our lives for a purpose and that purpose is to lead us for a better life. 


Other change we had been in terms of our financial literacy. Now I am so sure and confident that we are on the right track. We gained 19.50% of our stocks. I know this is not much, but I believe life is not a race it's a journey that we need to savor each day. It's not about how much money we make but how we save it. With our past mistake, I've learned to appreciate things not because I have plenty but because I know how it feels to have nothing. Wealth I believed is not what a person has. It is a state of mind. The people who succeed in life from financial perspective have positive beliefs about money. I know I ignore some few people in terms of their financial needs, but I guess this proverb serve as one of my guiding principle if I really wanted to help  "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" however in every rule there is an exemption we just have to use our right judgement and God's guidance. My lines are open you can ask a question any time via FB, Email, SMS and I am willing to share our knowledge in terms of financial aspects. Though I always told few of my friends who are already asking me about it. I am not a financial expert, but thru my experience I can share a bit of it and  I am trying to learn every day, we can help each other by exchanging our ideas after all two heads are better than one. I want to retire with enough, not more than I need when I am old.


They said you will learn real friends when you have nothing but failures and problems and when you are on your worst self and attitude but they still accept you for being you. The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find out who's the one worth suffering for. These people embrace me despite being nasty at a time and unpleasant just like most of my old friends whose with me until now. I treasure each of them (Though sometimes I tend to forgot unintentional of course, a sign of old age hehe). I know we still need a lot of time to know each other, but last year was maybe the crucial year for us to know more of one another and  know the real meaning of friendship and family. For family is not about blood, It's about who is willing to hold your hand when you need it most. I am just one lucky girl because I was lost so many times and every time God sent someone to be with me along the way. My toes and fingers are not enough to these countless people in my life and they just add up every year. Life is too short, people come and go, they say, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we never be the same again"


I am not sure if I can do these New Year resolutions because I don't have enough discipline I guess to do it. But for the first time I wanted to achieve something in the next year and the coming year. I will start this year and I will try to revisit it every year. I know New Year resolution are not by force, but they help us do better in life, help us avoid the mistakes which tried to hold us back in the past. That is why I just wanted to:

* Have more faith
* Read more books
* Eat good food (Healthy one, less meat, more fruit and vegetable)
* Listen more to good music
* Be more grateful (7X7X7) to attract positive vibes
* Play more 
* Be more patient and understanding (Especially with my children)
* Learn Mandarin (hahaha near to impossible)
* Attend more training and seminars (on personal and financial aspect)
* Less mindful to negative people and more attentive to the positive one.
* Exercise more (hirap nito need lots of encouragement)
* Find more reason to be happy

So "don't count the years, make the years count" and everything will follow.


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