Friday, March 4, 2016

Gratitude

Lately, I started to appreciate the things that I am doing. I started to realize what is my true and real purpose in this world. Sometimes by just trying to fit into this world we try hard to be the best that we can be, even though sometimes that is not what God want us to be. Just to please so many people in our lives, thinking that if we can make others happy then we can be happier. We are so consumed with what others may say or think about us that we sometimes forget to ask God, what do you want from me Lord? But the truth is we cannot please everybody that is the reality of life. That sooner or later anybody can hurt us but the only question is whose worth it.

Ethan
 The most noisiest but
most lovable
(Is it worth it?)
Definitely

A year or two ago I tried to go back where I am before, a workaholic mother of three. I applied for many jobs but unluckily I didn't land any of them. I started to feel that I already loose the person that I used to be since I stop working ten years ago. Ten years ago I decided to homeschool my children and let them grow a little bit, in those years the first few years was the hardest one, still adjusting with my new environment, out of my own country, out of my comfort zone. I tried my luck to find a job. I got some few interviews and landed a job. But my last job just lasted for only a year then I resigned and never work again. Not because I don't like the job or the pay was not good but I felt uneasy that time, I felt it seems not worthy anymore, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against those mothers who work outside of the house actually they should need more praise than anybody else. Imagine doing two roles in one body quite exhausting been there done that. I salute both whether a full-time mother or working mother there's no difference at all, a mother always wants what is best for their children right?

During our art project
(Basket making)

Lovi's basket

Ate and her work
of art

Doing some Arts
and crafts

Sometimes we need to do something today that our future self will be thankful to us. And I may say that is one of the best decisions I made in life to leave everything behind and be a full-time mom. No equivalent amount of money the moment you see your children growing so fast. Sometimes thinking where does all the time go passes by. Now here we are doing homeschooling, guiding them everyday, loving them to the most of my ability, enjoying every bit of the time I have with them. And some children also join us (I may say they are additional God's blessing to me).

Ate and Ethan
My two additional
blessing from God

I thank the parents for entrusting me with this two kids, though sometimes scary that I may not be able to fulfill God's given work, but at the end of the day, these children reminds me that life is wonderful and problem free just like them. Sometimes when people challenge us and telling us we cannot do it. The best revenge is do nothing, say nothing, just pray and let God do the works. After all, He will not give us what we cannot handle.


Saturday, February 27, 2016

What are we in this world?




The moment I started reading the bible, I always find it quite fascinating. Not because I am a religious person honestly I am not, I'd rather have a relationship with him than being religious, because as I grow older and increases the number in my age God reveals Himself a little bit each day to me. Don't judge me for being so vocal about my faith and label me as someone whose using the word of God to my advantage. Mas ok na yon kesa si taning ang gamitin ko di ba? 
Aminado ako I am a sinner and everyday I ask God to forgive my sins pero hindi ako hypocrito. God forbids me for my bad attitude. I know He will yon lang pinaniniwalaan ko and that He will love me no matter what and I proved that already because He continuously bless me and do so many wonders in my life. Maybe God, see something what the human eye cannot.
Sabi nga never compare your journey with others. Your path is unique. Own it and make the best out of it. With true honesty at the end of the day when we are about to close our eyes, try to imagine whose with you. Then that is the only time that we realize who and what are the most important thing in our lives. Lately since we had so much time, actually time is one of the most important thing in this world because it's just vanish so fast without us notice it sometimes, it's not money or energy as what others says, minsan kung sino pa yung nagsasabi hindi lahat ng bagay pera try to check what kind of lifestyle they have. Sometimes reality we are just a reflection of what we think and see of our surroundings tama? Because when we loose time we can never get it back so be careful how and who we spent our time with. Arnold and I started to revisit our Life goals. Little did we know we have achieve something naman pala. 
Minsan kase sa sobrang kabusyhan feeling natin bakit parang walang nangyayari sa buhay natin. It's still the first quarter of the year. I know with the guidance of the Lord life would be easy and happy and more goals on how to have a fuller life can still be achieve. So before we close our eyes in the evening always remember or maybe ask ourselves what are we in this world? Isn't that we are just a mist in the night that vanish in the morning. Have a blessed day ahead of us.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Dear 50 Year Old Self


Twenty fifteen (2015) is almost over. Five more hours and Twenty sixteen (2016) will be part of our present life. As we create another story let us let go of all the hurts people brought us, the mistakes we had in the past and let us all move forward with a grateful heart. And as we celebrate the New Year with our family. I want to take this time to write a letter to my future self. :)

Dear Future Self,

December 31, 2025

I never do this in my entire life talking to you but I know it's about time to be close to you now that I am nearly half the age, fifty (50) to be exact. Ten or nine years from now I will be retiring I am sixty (60) by then. I know that you also want to have a good life just like me and anybody else, such an hypocrite if someone says he doesn't want a better life in the future. Though Arnold always ask me what is my definition of a better life? Well it all depends on every individual I think. I hope you did enjoy watching the beach from sunrise to sunset, together with our children and their family. Good health is all I am wishing for. Ten years from now I know most of our dreams came true already. We visited almost part of the world, and we will visit the rest more. Thank you for being kind to me. I just want you to have more life to live so that we can serve and bless others more. I know God bless us abundantly and I know God has a plan for our fortune. The Children are already grown up and I am happy for what and how they become. I hope that they will just continue what we have started. By the way the home for our elders are ready for renovation. They are just waiting for your approval. And the newly hired teachers for our school are ready for orientation. And our book has a good review from the public. Our stocks are falling down a bit but it doesn't matter, it doesn't affect our finances at all. Today ends another year and tomorrow is a new beginning. I will continue to praise God for all the abundant blessings He provided us. I will never get tired loving and praising Him. I will never stop helping and blessing others as well. So on this day future self I just want to thank you for always being there for me and for not leaving me despite of all the circumstances. God bless to us. Cheers and Happy More New Year to us.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Letter to Person who almost ruined my faith

Dear Someone,

I hope you are in good mood upon reading this letter. It's been months, oh now a year already that I almost totally got out of my inner self. I thought that my experience upon experience already made me stronger and no challenges can break my soul again. But with what you have shown me, I realized that in life we should never stop creating ourselves for you made me feel completely worthless and again you almost ruined me emotionally.

I don't hate you though I want to thank you.

It took me months before I finally realized that it wasn't me not being good enough for you, but you were not being good enough for me. Though I constantly reminding myself that relationship should be shared by two different people having a common goal to love and satisfy the needs of others and I am trying to convince myself that I wasn't able to satisfy you in what so ever circumstances we had. But you also have to admit that I also deserve better than just being ignored, I deserve better than just by being manipulated, I deserve better than just being judged and labeled as a person that I was not. I deserve better than you.

I know I'm not the person as I was these past few months because I would never give someone complete power over me where I feel worthless. I have consumed nothing but negativity for a while. Good thing there are still a lot of people who can be a source of light to other people's darkness. And I was so thankful to them because they bring back my courage and faith in myself when at times I woke up every single day drowning and hoping your hand will pull me up and save me. But I was wrong, I realized lately that your hands were never there to save me, but instead you were there to push me below the surface and it adds to my sorrow and pain but it's okay. For I know someday, someone will going to save me because God is faithful even though sometimes I lost my confidence in me. But he never was, he never fails to show me His love and mercy everyday.

I just want you to know that you add darkness during my toughest day in my life. I trusted you with all my heart. I told you every single part of my dark life. When in fact I never ashamed of them because that's how God made me for who I am today. I know you are a good person, but next time asks yourself, what it was you ever did to me. Imagine me, someone who trusted you, consider as my best greatest confidante but it turn out to be the other way around. I don't blame everything to you. But imagine me, someone, who blame herself for being not good enough, someone who almost lost her faith in herself, someone who almost got lost how a relationship should be despite her undeniably years of experience. Imagine and feel all of these, I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden in my heart.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating someone that I am not. I am no longer feel worthless, I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others just to feel that I am worthy. I am thankful you were part of my life because you are the worst best thing happen to me.

I do hope you're happy, and I just want you to know I don't regret having you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience everyday without the approval of others. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. For you have thought me to trust myself more without the opinion of others and most specially you have thought me to trust God more than ever without the help of others. Too many great things have come from that darkness.  Too many great things have come from you. And I wish and hope that too many good things will happen to you specially what all you heart desire.

For in the end, We accept the love we think we deserve.



















Saturday, November 14, 2015

And So why nga?


Why is English so hard? This has been circulating in social media recently or maybe long time already (huli lang ako sa balita). 


Actually I am one of those people who find this so reasonable (nagpapalusot lang po hehe). Parang Marian Rivera lang ang peg, haha Hindi dapat sukatan ng talino ang husay sa pag ienglish -- Marian Rivera.


Did I really regret why I didn't take my student life so seriously, specially when it comes to English subject, though I enjoy every bit of it telling my children walang halong pagsisisi. 


But if given a chance and giving the right advise to them. I will definitely tell them na huwag na akong tularan pa. I've done so many mistakes in my past and I can relate those mistakes for not taking the English subject so seriously. I am telling them this not because I am wiser than them but because I know how much pain they need to go through if they will not take life a bit serious at an early age. 


People will judge you according to the norms and standards of the world and society. Pag hindi ka marunong mag English bobo ka, at kagaya din ng mga sumusunod, pag nangutang sa iyo ng nine times then doon sa ika ten times wala ka ng ipapautang, masama na ugali mo, pag nabuntis ka ng hindi kasal pokpok ka na, pag gusto mong mangarap mayabang ka. Pag naayos mo na ng konti buhay mo nag iba kana at hindi kana ma reach. Haha anong connect.  These are the cruelty and reality of life and being not so good in English is one of the things some people can judge you as stupid and ignorant..


And the not so good in English is one hell of a battle that I need to overcome. Specially when you are mix up with thousand of highly intellectual people. Educ grad eh! Nagmasters pa so mataas expectation (salamat talaga sa editor ko hehehe). I thank God I passed that stage looking back I am just so grateful for the high expectation. Na untill now trinatrabaho ko pa rin hehe. But one thing for sure, I may not be so good in it but what is important is I am willing to learn continuesly,  improve myself and overcome the change and challenges of life.













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