Sunday, August 28, 2016

Ate's Essay

(Part of Ate's Literature book is to write an essay about any topic she wants to write and this is what she wrote that moves me)

Excerpt in Ate's essay:

I know now that God knows me. He has helped me and my family through countless of troubles. God help me and love me. I regret when I was young, I thought God didn't want me, and I lost my confidence and faith. Until when he send me to my loving teacher. He used my teacher to tell me that God loves me no matter what. I just need to pray and ask for forgiveness. My teacher taught me a lot of things I needed to know, and I was thankful to my teacher and to God. Although I don't know what my future lies ahead, but I know for sure that in the future I will still love God and put him first in any circumstances. --Ate Danna.

Recently I am trying to find God in my quiet moment. Since Ate and Ethan are leaving soon. They will be going back to Philippines to continue their studies there. Studies here in Malaysia is quiet expensive. Tuition fees are not worthy considering that we have different culture so a lot of adjustment need to be done just to fit in. I am a bit sad because we will definitely miss them. They've been with us for two years and we already created wonderful memories together.

Ethan came first, when he came I am trying to question my worth as an individual or let me say my worth as a teacher eventhough I graduated with a degree in education I didn't practice teaching during my professional days, I practice librarianship instead, it's a lot more easier than teaching as I may say hehe. When ethan came, I believe I still need a lot of things to prove to myself before I can consider myself as a teacher. Even God was trying to tell me you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. ( Isaiah 43:4). But still my self worth was so low maybe because a lot of unexpected things happened before they came. Some unhappy experiences that sometimes I question God how he love me beyond measure, I didn't question my faith and God's loyalty to me because with all the things I've been thru and with all the failure I had, God's grace never fail to amaze me. But I didn't realize that God was trying to test my loyalty and faithfulness to him before He will show me my worthiness or maybe the other way around, He is already loyal and faithful to my worth it's just that the problem is me and He gave me sign just to prove that I am wrong and He is right and this is not the first time. God always shows to me so many times already, matigas lang ulo ko at bumabalik balik ako sa dati (same old kind of people and circumstances).

However the reason why I didn't pursue teaching even though I had finish my degree is because for me, diploma, credentials, seminars, CPE units are not enough to practice the profession. I am scared of what kind of influence I can make to every child or students that I will handle.  Though from the moment I homeschool my children, I started to gain confidence but not with other children, not untill God sent Ethan and Ate Danna.

Ate came the following year, when I am about to give up Ethan, since most of my plan didn't happen. Seriously I pray hard to God to please show me the right people and circumstances. God is always true to his promises something happened and everything change. I cannot go back where I am before. This small voice telling me, you've been there before don't try to go back. I know some few people who doesn't understand put judgement but it's okey. Sometimes we have to go through all of the things so we'll know what are our priorities and we'll know where is our real loyalty, is it with God or with the people around us? Is it really God that we really wanted to please or the people around us?

After all the things had happen, I think now my mind is clear. When Ate and Ethan are not with us anymore I know that deep in my heart I did my best regardless of what other people' judgement. Deep in my heart I know I did my best to give this two children the foundation they need as they face the real world outside. And as for me I am planning to continue teaching and planning to pursue and study the profession more in the future if given a chance. And as for me and my house I will continue to praise and Love God regardless  of what other people say. I don't care anymore if they think that I am using the name of the Lord it is for the Lord to judge me not the people around for afterall this is what he want us to do. I will continue to glorify him no matter what. Afterall, all blessings I have now I am proud to say that He is the one who provided it all.

John 17:4  "I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.

Friday, July 8, 2016

What motivate us?

But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
Romans 6:21

This story happened long time ago. It serves as an eye opener to me and my husband, hoping to you as well.

Pepe and Pilar are a loving couple, they are loved by their neighbors, being admired by their relatives, who brought up their kids with love, honestly, humbleness and intergrity. As their children grows up Pepe decided to go abroad just to support their studies and day by day needs since his current salary was not enough to feed and sustain all the needs of his five children. This happened during 80's and 90's by the way. A year where computer and internet are all starting. Pepe was a loving father, every month without fail he is sending all his income to his family. And coming back home every year just to see how his children are doing and what are their progress.

While Pepe is doing his best to provide for his family same credit goes to Pilar. She didn't waste any single centavo because she has a high hope and high dreams for her children since she herself was not able to finish her studies same as Pepe. Years past by fast forward, children finish studies one by one the eldest became an engineer, second became a computer programming working in a casino, the third one got married and had a family, while the remaining two younger children finish studies and became an engineer too thru the help of the other siblings. After all the children had their own life what do you think happened to Pepe and Pilar?

Okey fast forward again, they are both dead now...opppps rewind. This is what happened before they died.

After Pepe's eldest son graduated from college and passed the engineering board exam, he got a stable job. The son decided and told his father to go back home since he has a stable work now and he knows how hard it is to be away from the family. This time the son wanted his father to just enjoy life after all the sacrifices that his father did to their family. Pepe came back home without anything on his pocket. On his first few months everything went well. Pepe is helping his wife in their everyday activity, while children are coming in and out of the house because they already have their own life to live. But as the time passes by life began to change. Since children didn't grew up having the father in their home because he was away during their childhood days, they are not used to many errand that the father was asking. Little did they know there were chaos, and pressure between children and their father.

Pepe started drinking out of boredom and it became an habit to him. He feels that his children didn't respect him and he feels worthless. That every time he is sober that is the only time his children are trying to listened. But the true reason was there was nothing to talk about, no stories, no memories to share because he is not around all days of their growing up years. The usual circumstances of parents leaving their children behind, thinking going abroad they were able to give everything to their children but it's not, time is really more valuable than material things. You cannot bring it back once wasted. Years went by, being sober almost everyday became normal in their household. Pilar got used to it. And because her love to Pepe is greater than the problem they encounter everyday so she doesn't mind or maybe she just wanted to enjoy the remaining days since most of their lives they are away from each other.

Fast forward again children began to create their family of their own. Now the eldest son who carry all the responsibility of his father after becoming a jobless OCW (Overseas Contract Worker) also need to support his own family. There comes a time that He cannot even sustain the basic needs of his children which he cannot be blame because no one taught him how to manage his life specially the financial part. When he began working, he bought in his first salary all the things he wanted. He wanted her mother to be happy he bought her washing machine, television, gas range all his money can offer because He wanted her mother to have the things that she doesn't have for a long time. He wanted to repay his mother all the sacrifices she has done to them.  and every single day he spent all the money he has in his pocket without thinking what will happen the next day, the next week and the next month and year and so on.

And then the inevitable happened, his wife got sick, sickness that needs treatment not only one time but many times. She came in and out of the hospital  and all their money that they have in their pocket were spent. He doesn't have any other income except for his regular jobs. It became an eye opener. That money is not the most important thing in life but the lives of a love ones. That money is not the things that motivates him, but the fear of knowing that sooner or later when some of his love ones afflicted with serious illness how he will going to provide the necessary things, even only the basic if he does not know how to prepare.

Then while preparing the most scary things happened Pilar died because of stroke, brain hemorrhage. So saddened like a strike of lightning volt that the family didn't see it coming. They don't have anything. No savings, no preparations, no nothing. And what do you think happens? The family borrowed money to every single individual they've known. Pilar died leaving his children burried in debts. While Pepe is still alive, but after so many years of drinking without him knowing it, He was already sick. After his wife died he keep on coming back to the hospital for treatment and that happened for years until his last breath.

Pepe and Pilar the couple who has high hopes and high dreams to their children does not enjoy life after years of sacrificing. Does they serve their purpose? The Lord said that the most and greatest commandment of all is to love and serve your neighbor. Did they were able to do that. Yes of course during their younger years. When they still have all the time, energy and resources but as their age deteriorate and their time and energy becomes less, getting old becomes a burden to them and their love ones. Self pity afflicted them and they were not able to see the goodness in life. We cannot blame them because no one also taught them how to do it. But their lives can be a lesson to everyone. Their story will remain forever in our heart, their story became an inspiration to me and my husband. That is why when someone told us hindi lahat ng bagay pera we really distance ourselves to them. (when someone told us it's not all about the money) we know that. Because fyi "We are not motivated with money, the love of family is what motivate us. And we are just terrified thinking getting old and we have nothing to offer."

Friday, March 4, 2016


Lately, I started to appreciate the things that I am doing. I started to realize what is my true and real purpose in this world. Sometimes by just trying to fit into this world we try hard to be the best that we can be, even though sometimes that is not what God want us to be. Just to please so many people in our lives, thinking that if we can make others happy then we can be happier. We are so consumed with what others may say or think about us that we sometimes forget to ask God, what do you want from me Lord? But the truth is we cannot please everybody that is the reality of life. That sooner or later anybody can hurt us but the only question is whose worth it.

 The most noisiest but
most lovable
(Is it worth it?)

A year or two ago I tried to go back where I am before, a workaholic mother of three. I applied for many jobs but unluckily I didn't land any of them. I started to feel that I already loose the person that I used to be since I stop working ten years ago. Ten years ago I decided to homeschool my children and let them grow a little bit, in those years the first few years was the hardest one, still adjusting with my new environment, out of my own country, out of my comfort zone. I tried my luck to find a job. I got some few interviews and landed a job. But my last job just lasted for only a year then I resigned and never work again. Not because I don't like the job or the pay was not good but I felt uneasy that time, I felt it seems not worthy anymore, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against those mothers who work outside of the house actually they should need more praise than anybody else. Imagine doing two roles in one body quite exhausting been there done that. I salute both whether a full-time mother or working mother there's no difference at all, a mother always wants what is best for their children right?

During our art project
(Basket making)

Lovi's basket

Ate and her work
of art

Doing some Arts
and crafts

Sometimes we need to do something today that our future self will be thankful to us. And I may say that is one of the best decisions I made in life to leave everything behind and be a full-time mom. No equivalent amount of money the moment you see your children growing so fast. Sometimes thinking where does all the time go passes by. Now here we are doing homeschooling, guiding them everyday, loving them to the most of my ability, enjoying every bit of the time I have with them. And some children also join us (I may say they are additional God's blessing to me).

Ate and Ethan
My two additional
blessing from God

I thank the parents for entrusting me with this two kids, though sometimes scary that I may not be able to fulfill God's given work, but at the end of the day, these children reminds me that life is wonderful and problem free just like them. Sometimes when people challenge us and telling us we cannot do it. The best revenge is do nothing, say nothing, just pray and let God do the works. After all, He will not give us what we cannot handle.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

What are we in this world?

The moment I started reading the bible, I always find it quite fascinating. Not because I am a religious person honestly I am not, I'd rather have a relationship with him than being religious, because as I grow older and increases the number in my age God reveals Himself a little bit each day to me. Don't judge me for being so vocal about my faith and label me as someone whose using the word of God to my advantage. Mas ok na yon kesa si taning ang gamitin ko di ba? 
Aminado ako I am a sinner and everyday I ask God to forgive my sins pero hindi ako hypocrito. God forbids me for my bad attitude. I know He will yon lang pinaniniwalaan ko and that He will love me no matter what and I proved that already because He continuously bless me and do so many wonders in my life. Maybe God, see something what the human eye cannot.
Sabi nga never compare your journey with others. Your path is unique. Own it and make the best out of it. With true honesty at the end of the day when we are about to close our eyes, try to imagine whose with you. Then that is the only time that we realize who and what are the most important thing in our lives. Lately since we had so much time, actually time is one of the most important thing in this world because it's just vanish so fast without us notice it sometimes, it's not money or energy as what others says, minsan kung sino pa yung nagsasabi hindi lahat ng bagay pera try to check what kind of lifestyle they have. Sometimes reality we are just a reflection of what we think and see of our surroundings tama? Because when we loose time we can never get it back so be careful how and who we spent our time with. Arnold and I started to revisit our Life goals. Little did we know we have achieve something naman pala. 
Minsan kase sa sobrang kabusyhan feeling natin bakit parang walang nangyayari sa buhay natin. It's still the first quarter of the year. I know with the guidance of the Lord life would be easy and happy and more goals on how to have a fuller life can still be achieve. So before we close our eyes in the evening always remember or maybe ask ourselves what are we in this world? Isn't that we are just a mist in the night that vanish in the morning. Have a blessed day ahead of us.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Dear 50 Year Old Self

Twenty fifteen (2015) is almost over. Five more hours and Twenty sixteen (2016) will be part of our present life. As we create another story let us let go of all the hurts people brought us, the mistakes we had in the past and let us all move forward with a grateful heart. And as we celebrate the New Year with our family. I want to take this time to write a letter to my future self. :)

Dear Future Self,

December 31, 2025

I never do this in my entire life talking to you but I know it's about time to be close to you now that I am nearly half the age, fifty (50) to be exact. Ten or nine years from now I will be retiring I am sixty (60) by then. I know that you also want to have a good life just like me and anybody else, such an hypocrite if someone says he doesn't want a better life in the future. Though Arnold always ask me what is my definition of a better life? Well it all depends on every individual I think. I hope you did enjoy watching the beach from sunrise to sunset, together with our children and their family. Good health is all I am wishing for. Ten years from now I know most of our dreams came true already. We visited almost part of the world, and we will visit the rest more. Thank you for being kind to me. I just want you to have more life to live so that we can serve and bless others more. I know God bless us abundantly and I know God has a plan for our fortune. The Children are already grown up and I am happy for what and how they become. I hope that they will just continue what we have started. By the way the home for our elders are ready for renovation. They are just waiting for your approval. And the newly hired teachers for our school are ready for orientation. And our book has a good review from the public. Our stocks are falling down a bit but it doesn't matter, it doesn't affect our finances at all. Today ends another year and tomorrow is a new beginning. I will continue to praise God for all the abundant blessings He provided us. I will never get tired loving and praising Him. I will never stop helping and blessing others as well. So on this day future self I just want to thank you for always being there for me and for not leaving me despite of all the circumstances. God bless to us. Cheers and Happy More New Year to us.

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