Painful Lesson

Every morning as I wake up, I always ask myself did I make something good for my children, a mark so they can remember me when I am gone and out of this world. From the time that I gave up my career (meron ba hehehe) every day I became more afraid on how to treat my children properly without hurting their feelings, without hitting their self-esteem (I am not used to it, but I'm trying). How to make them more responsible, loving and mature individual, now that I am with them twenty-four by seven it is more stressful than ever before.

How to teach them not to be too selfish and self-centered and just think nothing  but only of themselves.  Someone who will not see the imperfection of another person and blame others for the mistakes they've done and planning to do in the future.  I want them to be someone who must know how to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others (Painful Lesson indeed). They say that life is a boomerang, what comes around goes around and you will be treated the way you treated others and I believed the same with our children. But sometimes I kept asking myself how come mom and dad treat me very well but here I am, I cannot even hug them to show how much I miss and love them because I am too far from them. I cannot do anything about it, but I know mom understands me because she was once a mother just like me. Willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of her children.

I know I didn't have the best parents in the world but I believed there is one thing that I cannot deny that I am indebted to them, life itself  for without them I would not have existed and I know the feeling of giving up your life for the sake of your children now that I am a mother in my own rights.  Soon my children will  realize that  I am not  a perfect mother to them especially when they start to do their own life.  I just hope by that time, they are already mature to love me despite my imperfections because I believed we all make mistakes, no one was born perfect. That they are going to look at all the good things I and my husband have done for them instead of blaming us on how's life treat them. I know it takes a lot of time to become wiser but how come there are still a lot of people who doesn't mature as they grow old. I consider myself as one of them now that I am a mother of three, sometimes I feel guilty of all the immaturity.

The way I reacted sometimes makes me feel like a fool in front of my children but what is important is that as a parent I know when and how to say sorry when I did something wrong. And as a daughter I know how to show love to my parents especially when they needed it most of the times, now that they are old and all their children have a family of their own to take care of, a phone call will do, a simple letter with picture of their grandchildren makes them so happy. I know I argue with them most of the times but it's a fact that as we grow old we became the same wavelength as individual so there are many unavoidable differences and arguments, but that doesn't mean I don't love them and I forgot all the good things they've done to me. This is my opinion, it is better to argue and show that you care than to say nothing and as if you don't care. I just hope I can instill the value of forgiving, faith, the attitude of looking at the brighter side instead of blaming others because of what happened to our life to my children. For I believed in the saying that "LIFE is a CHOICE" it's all up to you how you handle it, live with it or else leave everything behind.

Judgement Day

These time and age of modern technology, with the internet, cell phones, Ipad, laptop, wireless communication, everything was so fast. We can learn, communicate and acquire things in just a few click within seconds without going anywhere and just by sitting in front of our PC's or laptop. Upon delivery of ideas and news, war, diseases, and natural disaster were also happening everywhere like a speed of lightning. Flu virus around the world, war in the Middle East, Libya,Bahrain, and Afghanistan, earthquake in Haiti, New Zealand and a few minutes ago while I am about to write this, some of my facebook  friends posted that the border of Myanmar, Thailand also hits by 6.8 earthquake that kills 75 people and damage thousand of property.

Earthquake shakes our world around which killed thousands of people while a war was man made, but it also kills lots of civilian and diseases it is unavoidable because bacteria and virus are invisible to the human eye and we can acquire it everywhere without even knowing that we had it already. Some few weeks ago a shocking event happened which a lot of people cannot believe that it happened, even just by watching it or living in the same place like Japan. Japan was hit by earthquake and mother nature not yet satisfied, after a minute tsunami followed so fast, according to survey it will take 25 years to put Japan in order again, imagine 25 years to build again. But it took only a minute of the tsunami that causes Japan to separate into pieces.

Sometimes I cannot help but to wonder why all of this things are happening so quickly in just a snap, thousand of people disappear, other said it is some kind of KARMA. This is according to other people's way of thinking, it is a karma to those who are afflicted with a disease, those who experience a natural disaster and what about war. I don't want to think that way, I don't want to be like them who are not passionate enough, inconsiderate, narrow-minded who has nothing to share but bad feelings to those who are being affected. Talking about bad feelings just last week I had a very bad fever, so bad that I cannot even stand to cook for my own food, good thing I had my husband on my side, living in a place far from all the relatives and friend was sometimes quite frustrating and I cannot stop thinking that it was part of my KARMA, but laying on my bed I got a chance to think and internalize everything that is happening around me. It was not a KARMA after all, I have realized that it was part of God's message to me, honestly this past few years, looking back I had so much anger in my heart to the point that I even want to curse the people who cause me pain.

But during those sick days that I felt so powerless I ask God for forgiveness because I assume that being sick is one way to awaken me, to analyze and evaluate my life all over again. I know a lot of people who walk into my life who cause me a lot of pain that I don't want to let go. I believe those anger was one reason why I got sick, it kills my mind thinking every night to the point that I cannot sleep properly so my immune system affected by my sleepless night. And it kills my heart because I always feel heavy every time I think of them. So after that bad fever I told myself to let go of everything. Life is too short within a minute I can be struck by a tsunami, or thunder or lightning or even disease that is incurable.  I don't want to die with a hurtful heart and I believe same goes with everybody else. Everything that is happening around was not a karma, it was just a God's message to us all. Nothing is permanent and secure except God. I don't believe in the end of the world, but I rather want to believe that each and every one of us has its own end and judgement day.


1 Corinthian 4:5  Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.

Quote # 5

It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it. ---Author Unknown

Do It Anyway

I already moved on, but suddenly memory lingered back into my mind, of them doing bad mouth about me. During those days, I never tried to make any move to defend myself because I believed that everything happened for a reason and besides it was nonsense to tell someone that they've hurt your feelings especially if anger and jealousy were all they have, they will not understand matters, believe me. I know it was part of human nature sometimes that,  what we hear is all that we believe regardless if the person was telling the truth  or lie. It's okay to tell stories but make sure that it's all truth and nothing but the truth and not only in favor of you. Or better yet do not tell stories at all because sometimes it's the habit of some human to absorb everything they've heard even the story was not accurate.  Actually even with good intention stories sometimes becomes inaccurate after many times of passing from one person to another and people begun judging base on what they've heard without knowing the real story behind. After all I have nothing to explain and it was quite exhausting to tell each and every one of them that what they've heard was all a false judgement. I tried my best to move on and live well then. I had ups and downs in my life but with God's grace life's treat me well. While thinking and asking myself why some people are mean, hostile and unfriendly? what's the reason of avoiding me if they did not do something wrong in the past (but the past is passed and we cannot do anything about it) or maybe at present in the first place they did something wrong that is why they are avoiding me? What is their intention? Are they guilty of something or maybe they are just snobbish self-centered individuals who don't accept friends without gaining anything and maybe they're just used to discriminate people base on their status in life (hindi kasi ako bigtime hehe). The world was just a small place to all of us, one day whether we like it or not there is a tendency that we would bump into each others face. I don't want to feel guilty especially to them who made an impact to my life. Without them, I know I never had the chance to live a meaningful and better life (salamat sa basurang tinapon mo, may ginto pala sa loob). Without them, I was not able to dream high. I was not able to prove something for myself. After all in the end I believed it is between ME and GOD. It was never between ME and THEM anyway.

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

LOVE THEM ANYWAY

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

DO GOOD ANYWAY.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

SUCCEED ANYWAY.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

DO GOOD ANYWAY.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.

THINK BIG ANYWAY.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

BUILD ANYWAY.

People who really want help may attack you if you help them.

HELP THEM ANYWAY.

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.

GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE ANYWAY. ---Excerpt from Mother Teresa's Final Analysis Prayer.

Quote # 4

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.---Unknown